Husbands

1 Peter 3:7

Immanuel – 7/11/21

Last week I began the sermon by talking about hostile ideologies that have infiltrated our society; the ideologies of critical theory, gender theory, and new feminism. Everywhere you can see the cancerous rot that surrounds such ideologies: bold arrogance, tribal divisions, the destruction of family, the most vulnerable murdered, unrestrained anger, sexual madness, materialistic addiction, and an ocean of people trained to think by social media. This pervasive cancer grows and spreads in both red and blue.

A wife subjecting herself to her own husband is one of the most powerful and practical ways in which these cancerous ideologies are subverted. If you are curious what I mean by that, then I encourage you to listen to last week’s message entitled “Wives.”

But the wife’s role is just half of the story. The other half is seen in the way a husband relates to his wife. It is just as subversive. And when the husband and wife relate to one another as God has intended, as the Bible instructs, one of the greatest demonstrations of the gospel is proclaimed on earth. Cancerous ideologies will eventually shrivel when confronted with the beauty and wisdom and power of the gospel of Jesus Christ: even as it is proclaimed through marriage!

So today, let us dive into the role of husbands in a marriage.

Purpose

How are husbands to exercise their authority?

In what way are women the weaker vessel?

Read 1 Peter 3:1-7

Context

If you have been following this sermon series for the past month, then you will know that we have covered some challenging subjects. Peter is telling the church to submit to the government, even while it is ruled by a madman. He is telling servants to submit to masters, even if those masters are unjust. He tells wives to subject themselves to their husbands, even if their husband is disobedient to the word of God.

And Peter does not take time to address how the government should govern, or how masters should treat their servants. But here, within the context of marriage, Peter finally addresses the position of authority: husbands.

More than emperors, more than wealthy masters, God chooses to address husbands. And we should be glad that he does; because marriage has the most profound effect on more people than any other human institution. If only our world could understand this! O the wisdom of God!

Once again, we come to a section of Scripture that specifically addresses not the whole of the church body, but a smaller segment – that of husbands. But if you hope to one day become a husband, if you love someone who is a husband, if you want to know God’s purposes for marriage, then you too have something to learn from today’s text.

But husbands, you are being summoned to pay particular attention. If you choose this message to drift off, to get distracted, you are a fool indeed! Husbands, prepare your minds for action!

Just as the section on wives began with a likewise, so also does this section on husbands. And the likewise would have us look back at a previous concept. So what does the likewise mean in verse 7?

This likewise does not look back at a form of submission, as the likewise did addressing wives. We know that because Peter is not commanding husbands to submit. Rather, he is commanding husbands to use their authority in an unselfish way.

The likewise is drawing this link: as wives honor their husbands by submitting to them, so husbands should honor their wives by living with them in an understanding way. The link is honor, though honor is given in very different ways.

Wives are to respectfully honor their husbands. Husbands are to honor their wives in an altogether different way. And here is another place where I think the NIV renders a poor translation. The NIV reads, treat them with respect as the weaker partner. But you can respect someone in a formal and detached way, such as a government official. You see the word honor used back in 2:17 referring to the emperor, but that is a different Greek word – more akin to respect.

Here in 3:7, Peter uses a word – time (tee-may) – that implies great value, even reverence. The English word “honor” works, but it doesn’t quite capture the the Greek. Now, husbands, you are not to revere your wife – reverence is for God alone – but you are to recognize her tremendous value. In other words, you could rightly translate 3:7 to read, treasure the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life. Husbands, treasure your wife.

Let’s look again at verse 7 to see the ways in which a husband is to treasure his wife.

Read vs 7

Very intentionally, Peter gives us two facts that will inform husbands how to honor their wives. Husbands, we desperately need to be told these two facts, because we are far too good at only thinking about ourselves. Relationship and intimacy seem to come more naturally for women. But we excel at selfishness; and nothing exposes selfishness like marriage.

These two facts are as follows: first fact, she is a weaker vessel. Second fact, she is a co-heir of the grace of life. Though Peter is addressing husbands, he is giving facts about women. Notice how he does not give wives facts about men in the previous section. That is because, presumably, husbands need extra help in understanding women.

So, though the focus is on how husbands are to lead, we are going to be learning a bit about women: that they are the weaker vessel and that they are co-heirs. We will take each one of these in turn and look at how you, husbands, are to honor your wife as we go.

Treasure Her as the Weaker Vessel

Women are the weaker vessel. That is not just a statement about wives. That is a statement about women. To be a woman is to be a weaker vessel than a man. How’s that for an offensive statement today? Everywhere we look the world is trying to reject this concept.

The most obvious and immediate meaning is physical. Generally speaking, women are physically weaker than men. 10 years ago that would be all that I needed to say. But we live in a strange world, where movies portray women to be just as strong and violent as men. And men pretend to be women and compete against them; which usually ends with men stealing from women.

It started with a rejection of God. It leads to a rejection of His design. Paul writes about similar issues.

They did not honor [God] as God or give thanks to Him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools. -Romans 1:21-22

To state what should be obvious: men have greater muscle mass, higher bone density, larger frames, a higher metabolism, and a greater potential to carry and process oxygen. That is biology. That is how God designed it. He designed women to be physically weaker than men. There are exceptions, but that’s God’s design.

So husbands, how are you to treasure your physically weaker wife? Most simply put: protect her. You should be first to face the threats and challenges of life. It is your primary responsibility, not hers, to know when to face risk and to know when to step back.

If someone was about to shoot you and your wife, it would be absurd and evil for you to say to the attacker, “To be fair, split the bullets between us. One for me and one for her. Another for me and then another for her.” No! You take the bullets. You jump on the grenade. You sacrifice yourself to shield her. You treasure her life so much that you would be willing to lay down your own.

Treasure her also by working to protect her honor. More than anyone else, you know her secrets. Keep them between the two of you; keep them safe. Present her as beautiful, dignified, precious. This too is a profound way of protecting your wife, and showing her how you value her.

Treasuring your physically weaker wife also means providing for her needs. Make sure she has everything that she needs to feel safe and content. Give her the things that she needs to succeed. If she wants to work, wonderful. If she wants to stay home and raise children, do everything you can to make it happen. What is yours is hers.

Now I recognize that there are circumstance that may change these dynamics, and husbands may not be able to do these things. But the general principle is that husbands are to protect and provide. A man must never physically dominate a woman. He must never let anger get physical. To use your strength to bully a woman is weak. To withhold provision from your wife is weak. Husbands, God has given you greater physical strength to protect and provide for your wives.

But this is not the only way in which Peter means women are the weaker vessel; for the physical represents the spiritual. Peter has already given us a clue into what this is; into what is the spiritual component of being a weaker vessel.

It is found in verse 6, when Peter finishes speaking to wives. You are [Sarah’s] children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

It would seem that, according to the context of Peter’s writing, women have a greater disposition to fear than men. And fear can take a variety of forms: worry, anxiety, doubt, uncertainty, second-guessing. All of these are borne out of fear.

Indeed, men are subject to these fears as well. But women, as the weaker vessel, are more prone to fear than men. This is why Peter takes extra time to encourage women not to be afraid; saying that a marker of faith is fearlessness.

And this truth is not lost to the world. CDC studies show that anxiety disorders – fear based disorders – are the most prevalent type of mental disorders afflicting both men and women. But according to a peer reviewed study published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research, in every category women have higher rates of anxiety disorders; including social anxieties, panic attacks, various phobias, PTSD, and general anxiety (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3135672/). And it is not by slim margins. The study reveals that “1 in 3 women met criteria for an anxiety disorder in her lifetime.”

Husbands, how are you to treasure your wife considering this weakness? Here is where I think we need to look again at verse 7. It says, Live with your wives in an understanding way. The literal translation of an understanding way is according to knowledge. In other words, you must know your wife!

Husbands, to fulfill your role in marriage, you need to be a student of your wife. Learn what causes her to worry. What produces anxiety in her? Does she struggle with doubts? When does she start second-guessing?

Know your wife’s fears, what triggers them; and then learn to comfort her, care for her, love her. Can you more readily affirm her and your love for her? Can you communicate in a way that will not prick her fears? Can you anticipate anxiety inducing situations, and cut them off at the pass? Can you treat her more gently, more intentionally, more excellently; that there would be no doubt in the security and love of your relationship?

And most importantly of all, lead her to Jesus, her greatest source of love and joy and peace. Brothers, you do not have everything that she needs. She needs Jesus, and you need to take her to the Lord every day. She should be first in your prayers. Pray for her, and pray with her. Remind her of what God has to say in His word.

For example: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6-7

Brothers, this is a high calling indeed, and she longs for you to lead her in this way. It is quite possible that she knows her Bible better than you. It is quite possible that her relationship to the Lord is stronger than yours. But no matter where she is spiritually, she wants you to treasure her, and to lead her with whatever strength God has granted you. I promise, she will adore you if you pray over her, even if you think your prayers are feeble.

Treasure Her as a Co-Heir

In all of this, there is a crucial balance that we must strike, husbands. Your wife is not just the weaker vessel. The woman who stands by your side is a fellow heir of God. Christ ransomed her with His most precious blood. She is a living stone, a royal priestess. One day God Himself will bestow upon her praise and glory and honor.

And in that day, no longer will you be married to her. Jesus said:

For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven. -Matthew 22:30

Husbands, God is calling you to marry your strength and authority with the reality that she is an heiress of glory and a daughter of the Most High. You are given this authority temporarily. And one day, God will question how you exercised that authority over His daughter. Did you dominate? Did you abdicate? Or did you treasure her?

For she is indeed a treasure to the Father!

Within her resides an imperishable beauty, which in the sight of God is very precious. Should she not also be precious to you, husbands? So give your eyes only to her. Be captivated by her beauty, inside and out. A weak husband goes wandering. A wise husband sees past the imperfections of his wife, and chooses to see glorious beauty.

Yes, your wife will stand before the throne of God, clothed with the sun, brilliantly glorious. If she were to be glorified in this moment, you would want to fall on your face before her; as many men have done before angels.

For her to willingly subject herself to your leadership should absolutely stun you. You do not deserve such glories. So when she gives herself to you, know how precious a gift that is; and in return, give to her all that is yours.

Remember, she has wisdom you do not. Heed it. Her opinion is just as valuable as yours. Her desires – so long as they are not sinful – are just as important as yours. Her flourishing is just as important as your own.

Recognize this also, God’s command to husbands is not conditional on how good your wife is at submitting. She may not have a gentle and quite spirit. She might not even be a co-heir with you. It matters not. Your role is the same. Treasure her. Protect her. Provide for her. Slay her fears. Be captivated by her beauty. And lead her to Jesus.

A High Calling

Look once more at our verse today. It ends with so that your prayers may not be hindered. There is a consequence for failing to lead your wife well. If you dominate your wife, if you abdicate your responsibility, if you treat her with indifference, if you lead for selfish gains; you fracture your relationship with God and your prayers are hindered.

To live with your wife in an understanding way, deeply and intimately and intentionally treasuring her, is the will of God. It is spiritual obedience, husbands. Which means to do otherwise is disobedience. How can you expect an effective prayer life if you are living in direct disobedience to God?

Husbands, this is a high calling, and you are too weak for it. Though you are the stronger vessel, you are a vessel all the same. And a vessel is for filling, otherwise you are empty and lacking that which gives you worth.

To exercise righteous and loving authority over your wife, you need Jesus – who exercises righteous and loving authority over you. If you want your wife to willing submit to your leadership, you need to be filled with Jesus. If your wife is going to flourish under your leadership, you need to be filled with Jesus.

So come to Jesus, fragile vessel, and be filled!

“If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’”

-John 7:37-38

We have this treasure in jars (vessels) of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. -2 Corinthians 4:7

We all, men and women, husbands and wives, need to be filled with the surpassing power that belongs to God. We need Jesus, the Living Water!

Husbands and wives, I recognize that after all this you may be feeling a bit discouraged. Wives, you know that your husband does not live up to this. You probably ache for him to step up in a variety of ways. Husbands, you know you fail on so many fronts. I know I do!

We all have a long way to go. Sanctification is a long, and often very challenging process. And marriage is anything but easy. If you want your situation to improve, then you can start by praying for each other. Nothing is as easy and difficult as regularly holding up one another before the Lord; crying out for the Spirit to mature you and your spouse.

Husbands, your primary responsibility is to lead your wife to the well, to draw some water, and drink together. How can you do this if you are wandering around in the desert? Husbands, you need to be serious about reading your Bibles and saturating yourself in Scripture. And you need to be serious about your prayer life. Your relationship to your wife is meant to be sustained by your relationship to Christ.

Indeed, this brings us to the transcendent, glorious purpose of marriage; a purpose that Paul reveals to us.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their own wives…This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. -Ephesians 5:25-28,32

More profoundly than anything else, marriage is about Christ’s self-sacrificial love for the church, and the church’s response of devotion. Husband, as you lay down your life for your wife; and wives, as you devote yourself to your husband; you are revealing to the world the glorious grace of gospel of Jesus Christ. Of a King that lived in righteousness, died for love, and rose in power. Of a church washed in the word, dying to self, and one day rising in glory and beauty.

Every cancerous ideology will die when confronted with the beauty and wisdom and power of the gospel of Jesus Christ: especially as it is proclaimed through marriage! Church, let us never compromise marriage, and the roles that God has given within it.

Husbands, treasure your wife! Protect her. Provide for her. Slay her fears. Be captivated by her beauty. And lead her to Jesus. And let all the world see, through the mundane and the marvelous of your marriage, that Jesus Christ is King!