Wives

1 Peter 3:1-6

Immanuel – 7/4/21

We live in a hostile world. This was one of the foundational elements that led Peter to write his letter in the way that he did. It was one of the fundamental reasons that I wanted to work through this letter with all of you. Our world, just as it was in Peter’s time, is hostile. It is opposed to the things of God.

For the time being, these hostilities are rushing at us on the battlefield of ideas – in the unseen realm. Most pernicious of these dangerous ideas are critical theory, gender theory (particularly transgenderism), and the various waves of feminism that began in the 60s. From these rise a tyranny of ideas that have already infiltrated every sector of society. Ironically, all who do not bend their knee to such ideas are devalued – a step away from being dehumanized.

Presently, these hostilities are existential; they are spiritual. But it does not take long for the spiritual to become physical. If they do, dangerous dehumanizing ideas have a long history of turning deadly.

At this moment you might be wondering why I am going on about all this when today’s sermon is about wives. Because the main point of today’s passage strikes at the very heart of this ideological tyranny: wives, be subject to your own husbands. It will not ultimately be weapons that slay this giant, but a kingdom oriented, gospel proclaiming, Christ exalting, freedom saturated submission.

Purpose

What is marital submission?

What is the beauty of a woman?

Read 1 Peter 3:1-6

There are times when passages address a specific selection of people in the church, rather than everyone in the church. Today is such a passage. Wives, today the Bible is speaking directly to you. It is you who are being summoned to pay closest attention. Next week it will be to you, husbands.

None-the-less, there are lessons here for all of us; for those that may one day become wives, for those that want to support a woman who is a wife, for those that want to understand what God has created marriage to be. We can all learn a great deal today. But wives, today God is speaking most specifically to you.

And He starts with a command: Wives, be subject to your own husband. But to understand the power of this command we need to understand what it is being linked to. The “likewise,” which begins chapter 3, is meant to remind us of what Peter has just written about.

Likewise links 2:18 with 3:1-2. And as we read them side by side, you can clearly see that Peter is linking them.

Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. A few verses later Peter goes on to talk about how these servants are to continue in good works, despite their circumstances.

Likewise, wives be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Peter is in no way saying that a wife must view her husband as a servant views their master. The relationships are completely different. But Peter is saying there are similarities. Both institutions can produce relationships that are not ideal. With a servant it is an unjust master. With a believing wife, it is a husband that disobeys the word.

Peter wants us, the readers of his letter, to see that in both situations submission, respect, and good works have the most transformative power. It is not rebellion. It is not demanding change. It is not somehow gaining control. It is submission, respect, and good works.

All of that is seen when we consider what the “likewise” means.

Be Subject

Now let us consider the command: wives, be subject to your own husbands. The first things to see is that marital submission is due only to your own husband, not anyone else’ husband. No other man can claim this type of authority. There are other authorities over you that you must submit to, but so also must your husband. And none of those authorities have a claim over your heart and your body as does your husband.

Now let us consider this notion of submission, a concept that is absolutely repugnant in the eyes of the world. Submission is considered weak and inferior. Submission is foolish. But in the eyes of God, submission is very precious; for in submission He sees His Son and rejoices!

Marital submission is to allow the husband to lead, to give him honor, to respect him. Peter is saying it doesn’t matter if this man is Godly or not. Rather in spite of his disobedience to the word you are still being called to set aside your rights, your reactions, your feelings, and choose to honor and respect him.

In a healthy marriage, most decisions will be made together. Harmony will dictate the general flow of life, and each partner will happily defer to the other at different times. A wise husband will often ask his wife for advice and value her input.

As a small example, I had Meg read this sermon. I deeply value her wisdom and perspective, especially in matters like these.

But even in the healthiest of marriages there will be times of impasse, with strong opinions on both sides, and with neither side being obviously wrong. In these situations – and they should be rare – God has given authority to the husband to make the final decision. The wife’s role is to submit.

Submission, as I have briefly described, can feel sabotaged at countless points. Unhealthy relationships can make every decision feel dissonant rather than harmonious. Impasses can be reached simply because of stubbornness. Pride undermines every aspect. Sin clouds judgement. Only as the husband and wife pursue Christ does marriage function as God intended; and even then, sin will take every marriage through dark days.

But even in the darkest of days, God still calls wives to submit; just as Christ submitted to the cross in His darkest hour.

I want all of you to see something absolutely critical about submission: it can only be done willingly. No wife can be compelled into submission; that would be domination. If any man dominates a woman – whether physically or emotionally – to get out of her what he wants, it is a vile and reprehensible thing. It is abuse. God hates abusers.

Listen to what God says to those who abuse their authority at the expense of those under their care.

“What will you do on the day of punishment, in the ruin that will come from afar? To whom will you flee for help, and where will you leave your wealth? Nothing remains but to crouch among the prisoners or fall among the slain. For all His anger has not turned away, and His hand is stretched out still.” -Isaiah 10:3-4

Woe to those men who would force submission upon their wives. You have a fierce some enemy!

Wives, subjecting yourself to your husband is something you choose to do. You are free. Free because in Christ you are the royal people of God. You need not grasp for privilege, already you are privileged beyond measure. You are free in slavery to God, freely following Jesus Christ, and freely submitting yourselves to others – just as you submit yourself to Christ.

As Paul says: Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

-Ephesians 5:22

Paul is not saying that you should devote yourself to your husband just as you devote yourself to Christ. He is saying that your submission to your husband is ultimately submission to Jesus. Listen to how R.C. Sproul speaks of this holy submission.

“Would you have a problem submitting to Jesus if He were your husband? I have never heard a Christian woman say [they wouldn’t], even though they are quick to add that their husband is not Jesus. We can submit to authority, whether husband, employer, or government, if we understand that by doing so we are submitting to the Lord. If we refuse to submit to authority, we are refusing to submit to Christ. That is a serious matter.”

Submission in no way implies inferiority. Let us look to our Triune God as an example. Jesus submits to the Father, and the Father exercises authority over His Son. The Spirit gladly submits to both. All are equal in dignity, equal in significance, equal in essence. But they are distinct persons with different roles, harmoniously and joyfully operating within those roles.

Your husband is not superior, and you are no less important. God has created both male and female in His image. Just as Peter goes on to say in verse 7, husbands and wives are co-heirs of the grace of life. But in terms of hierarchy, husbands are given authority and wives are given submission. And God has woven glory into both roles.

And yet, there are wives who are not co-heirs of grace with their husbands, just as Peter implies in verse 1. Perhaps the wife came to faith years into the marriage, and the husband has not yet. Perhaps the husband walked away from the faith, and the wife remains faithful. Perhaps these unbelieving husbands are harsh and unkind. But regardless of the circumstances, Peter proclaims hope. There is hope for the husband, and you, wife, carry the flame of that hope.

That flame shines the brightest not in your words, but in your conduct.

Read vs 1-2

Respectful and Pure Conduct

For the third time, Peter writes that it is good works – here called respectful and pure conduct – that will lead the unbeliever into transformation. Good works are the evidence of Christ in you. Good works is Jesus on display. This certainly does not mean that words have no place. For, as Peter writes in 2:9, you were called out of darkness and into His marvelous light that you may proclaim His excellencies.

And Peter also writes,

Always [be] prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect. -1 Peter 3:15

Words most certainly have their place. But they will be most meaningful when the beauty of good works prepares the soil for gospel words.

Be respectful. Honor your husband in his presence and out of his presence. If you gather with other women and gripe about your husband, you disrespect him; and show that there is nothing of your faith that makes you different than the world. But if you honor him, if you work to build his reputation, how he will value you!

And pure conduct is more than just your fidelity. It is holy living. Live like you are Christ’s; otherwise, what will be different about you? What will make him desire Jesus if you live like everyone else in the world? Show him that there is a higher calling. Show him that it is more blessed to give rather than receive. Show Him Jesus who came to serve and not to be served. Show him the love of Christ as you lay down your rights for his sake. That is soul winning, pure conduct; and this is deeply pleasing in God’s eyes.

For respectful and pure conduct reveals a beauty far more captivating than body parts and wardrobes.

Read vs 3-4

To be clear, Peter is not forbidding doing your hair, wearing jewelry, or being fashionable. If this was a prohibition then, according to Peter’s own language, he would be prohibiting putting on clothing. It is clear that Peter is promoting something, rather than issuing a prohibition.

Wives should want to be attractive to their husbands, but the things you do to your appearance are of little significance compared to the attitudes of your heart.

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. -Proverbs 31:30

Peter tells us what is most beautiful in a wife: a gentle and quiet spirit. He even says that God sees such attributes as most precious.

A gentle and quiet spirit does not imply a woman that never speaks, or a wife that never asserts herself. She is no doormat. She does not have a broken spirit. In fact, a woman with a gentle and quiet spirit is far stronger than a woman who has no control over her emotions and words.

Having a gentle and quiet spirit means not being pushy, not constantly demanding your own rights, not being selfishly assertive, not being a nag, and not overflowing with inane chatter. These attributes will be a plague to your husband.

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike.

-Proverbs 27:15

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. -Proverbs 21:9

Essentially, having a gentle and quiet spirit means being dignified. It is to be filled with wisdom, knowing what to say and when to say it. It is having discretion. It is being kind and respectful even when your husband is being a jerk. It is having the strength to control your feelings and thoughts.

So instead of make-up and miniskirts, instead of a mind and mouth with no restrains, a beautiful woman is clothed in strength and dignity.

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

-Proverbs 31:25-26

Martin Luther - the man who sparked the Reformation – was married to Katherina von Bora; whom he lovingly referred to as “Katie” and “the morning star of Wittenburg.” It would seem that Katherina was a woman clothed in submissive strength and dignity.

For after depression plagued Luther for a number of weeks, Katie came to breakfast one morning in a funeral dress. Martin asked, “Who died?” Katie replied, “God died.” Martin proceeded to rebuke her for such an outrageous reply. She waited until he finished his tirade and then responded with, “Well, Martin, the way you were acting, I thought He was dead.”

All creation, when rightly aligned, is captivated by a woman both submissive and dignified. She is the apple of her husband’s eye. She is a demonstration of Christ, possessing within her an unquenchable fire of hope that would win over the unbeliever without a word. She is most precious in the sight of her Heavenly Father. And she is exceedingly rare.

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.

-Proverbs 31:10

Read vs 5-6

Daughters of Sarah

Ruth, Rahab, Deborah, Mary, and Sarah; these are just some of the women of old that clothed themselves in submission and dignity and hope. Peter highlights Sarah, because Sarah was a co-heir of the promises God made to Abraham. It is through their lineage that a holy nation would come. It is through their lineage that a Savior was born and a Kingdom was established.

Yet we only have one instance in the Bible where Sarah calls Abraham “lord;” and it is not what you would expect. There was an instance where God was promising Abraham that he and Sarah would have a son, even though they were both very old and unable to conceive. Sarah was out of sight, but heard the promise.

So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?” The Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord?”

-Genesis 18:12-14

Sarah calls Abraham “lord” in passing, not even to his face. But I think that is the point. Even though Sarah scoffs at God’s promise, even as she endures the suffering of barrenness, she still speaks respectfully of her husband.

Wives, to be a daughter of Sarah is to be an heir of promise. It is to receive all the promises of God through faith. It is to be united to Christ and adopted by the Father. To be a daughter of Sarah is to be a daughter of God.

And Peter reveals two markers of women like this. You can see them at the end of verse 6. Daughters of God do good and are not frightened by anything that is frightening.

No matter how worrying the situation, no matter how uncertain the outcome, no matter how fearful the possibilities; daughters of God vanquish anxieties with their hope in their Lord. And though it might be challenging, even seeming impossible at times, they continue to do good.

And this good that wives do, according to the context, is to subject themselves to their own husbands in dignity and purity and beauty. Speak well of your husband, in his presence and out of it. Serve him, as Christ has served you. Love him, even when he is unlovable. For Christ loved you, and gave Himself for you; even when you were His enemy. This is the freedom that Christ has purchased for you. Now walk in it.

Wives, this is your calling. It is a high and noble calling. It is one of freedom and submission. It is one that is exceedingly precious in the sight of God. It is a calling of imperishable beauty – a beauty that time can never steal.

No wave of feminism can capture beauty like this. No blurring of gender or misguided self-expression can captivate like a woman who subjects herself to her husband. This kind of submissive dignity reveals a freedom that no vain cultural revolution can match.

How remarkable that hidden in the dignity and submissiveness of a wife resides the power to subvert the delusions of this age and win over the unbeliever; and all of this without a spoken word.