No Longer Two, But One

Matthew 19:1-12

Immanuel – 11/24/24

          Marriage, divorce, and singleness: Each of these are sensitive topics in our present moment. For some these are more sensitive than for others. But I imagine there is something in this text to make everyone in the room feel uncomfortable at some point. I just ask that you put your biases aside, that you open your heart to the word of God, and you allow your understanding to be conformed to what Jesus says, and not what the world is telling you, and not what you feel. His word is our life.

And today we begin with His word in Matthew 19:1, where we read, After He finished these sayings. These words are the formal conclusion to Jesus’ Discourse on Relationships in chapter 18.

          As you may recall, it was a teaching delivered to Jesus’ twelve disciples in a house in Capernaum – likely Peter’s house. But they were only stopping by the house. Ever since Jesus first prophesied that He would suffer at the hands of the religious leaders, be killed, and rise on the third day; He had set His face like flint to go to Jerusalem, to go to the place He would be murdered.

          Jesus and the disciples have now left Galilee. They will not return until after the resurrection. Matthew writes that when they left Galilee they went to Judea beyond the Jordan. That likely means they traveled south along the eastern side of the Jordan River. Such was the custom for Jews so they could avoid traveling through Samaritan lands.

          Of course, Jesus had no ill will towards the Samaritans. If you know the story, then you know that the feast of Passover approaches. It was a feast where the Lord required the people to travel to Jerusalem and the temple there. Thus the eastern road would be choked with Jews headed to Jerusalem for Passover, and Jesus’ first priority was to reveal himself to the Jews.

          And just like His Galilean ministry, crowds continue to swarm to Jesus. I do not believe Matthew is indicating that the crowds follow Him from Galilee. Rather, they come from the countryside, the villages He passes through, they meet Him along the road. Flowing with compassion and humility, meeting them right where they are, Jesus heals the brokenness of humanity.

          But even while Jesus met that brokenness with love, some voice rose against Him in contempt.

          Read vs 3

          To understand the scheme of the Pharisees, we need a little background. Let us first go the Torah (the Books of Law), where divorce is mentioned.

          Read Deuteronomy 24:1-4

          This law was ultimately a provision and protection for women. An unmarried woman was extremely vulnerable to economic destitution. Therefore, the man initiating a divorce was required to make the divorce official with a legal document. Otherwise, if she wanted to remarry, (like marry the man she had an affair with) the ex-husband could say, “No, she is still married to me!” If he were vindictive, he could prevent her from ever getting remarried again, guaranteeing her poverty and shame. Even though she was an adulteress, the certificate of divorce prevented further injustice. Through this law, God was giving mercy to sinners.

          See this also: if this law needed to be given to Israel, it meant that the people were already getting divorces. God gave this law to prevent a bad thing from getting even worse. The law was containing sin. In fact, that is the purpose of the law: to contain sin. Because if sin goes unchecked it only leads to more chaos and more destruction and more hurt. Again, the law made a provision for divorce so a woman could get remarried and not descend into poverty, and a man would not be forced to stay with an indecent wife.

          But through the years, a question arose: What were these indecencies that allowed a man to divorce his wife?

By the time Jesus came on the scene, there were two main schools of through among the Jews. Shammai was the conservative school of thought, and they held that adultery was the only indecency that legitimized divorce. The far more liberal school of thought, Hillel, disagreed. The Law commanded adulterers to be stoned to death. What’s the point of divorcing a dead person? Thus, Hillel said these indecencies were anything displeasing to the husband. Famously, one Hillel rabbi taught that a husband could divorce his wife if she spoiled her husband’s dinner.

So, the Pharisees are effectively asking Jesus, “Are you Hillel – allowing a husband to divorce his wife for any reason at all – or are you of the more conservative Shamai?” They wanted to box Jesus into a political party (more like religious party) so they could divide the people and stir up the opposing party against Jesus.

This was their trap, their test. But with just a few words Jesus masterfully blows up the whole concept of opposing parties, he destroys their trap, and He reveals the glory of marriage.

          Read vs 4-5

          Creation vs Corruption

          The Pharisees have asked Jesus about the Law, but Jesus goes back to something that supersedes the Law. Jesus turns their attention all the way back to the beginning, when the Creator infused purpose into His creation.

          Let’s look at that account together.

          Read Genesis 2:20-25

          From the beginning, Jesus said God designed humanity to be male and female. Perhaps we are living in the only moment in history where that statement is contentious. There are only two sexes, only two genders: man and woman. And when God creates new males and females, knitting them together in the wombs of their mothers, He does not slip and accidentally drop a male gender into female biology, or vise versa. He purposefully, lovingly, creates two distinct, unchanging, image-bearing, categories of human: man and woman.

          Why didn’t God create only one gender? Why not a spectrum of innumerable genders? Because, as I have said, God had a specific purpose in mind, an image He wanted projected into the created order. Male and female image-bearers would live in their created purpose as they left their fathers and mothers and held fast to one another. Their hold on one another would be so deep, so intimate, so enveloping, that the two distinct beings become one flesh.

          The Greek word for hold fast, in verse 5, carries the image of gluing objects together, cementing them, even welding two objects into one object. Somebody once said that “Webster’s dictionary defines wedding as ‘the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.” Though they got a little mixed up, there is something of a truth in it.

          God pulled a piece of the man’s body out of him, made a new and distinct being out of Adam’s body – Eve, the woman – so that through the intimacy and love of their relationship, they would become one whole, together. When God first brought Eve to Adam, when man first beheld the beauty and dignity and glory of woman, he had this overwhelming emotional eruption: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23).

The cheesy and cliché idea of “you complete me,” has a truth rooted in Eden and this first sacred marriage. Jesus then further emphasizes the sanctity and profundity of the marriage union between man and woman.

          Read vs 6

          When a man and woman get married, in the sight of God they are no longer what they were, they are something new now, bound together, a two with one flesh, a mystical unity.

          This is nothing less than a reflection of the Trinity: Father, Son, and Spirit, three persons united in one Being. Not only are we image-bearers as individuals, but when a man and woman are united in marriage, they are imaging the divine Trinity.

Truly, our marriages projects into the world a reality that is beyond our understanding. It is awesome and holy and should cause us to tremble with the ineffable purpose God has woven into marriage.

          But the images do not stop there. God works in layers. The Apostle Paul writes, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.                                              -Ephesians 5:31-32

          Jesus left His Father and stepped down from transcendent glory to rescue His beloved bride, to become flesh of her flesh and bone of her bone, to heal her wounds and break her chains, to wash her with His word, to love her and serve her, to sacrifice His life for hers, and to take her from her broken home to a paradise He prepared just for her.  

          The Bride of Christ is the church, and we who believe are a part of the bride. We are united to Christ by faith. One of the most powerful statements of the unity between us and Jesus also comes from Paul.

          I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.                                                           -Galatians 2:20

          What a unity! It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me! His death is our death, He died it for us. His life is our life, as He lives forevermore so shall we! By faith in Jesus, the Divine Trinity has made us one with the Son.

Our Creator purposed for marriage to broadcast the union of Christ and the church into the shadows of creation.

          So husbands, as you love your wives self-sacrificially, you are imaging Christ’s love for the church, His bride. Wives, as you love your husbands and submit to them, you are imaging the church’s love for Christ. Such a truth is awesome and holy and should cause us to tremble with the ineffable purposes God has woven into marriage.

          Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate. It is an imperative, a command. It comes from the mouth of God. What God has joined together, man must not separate. To separate is to violate what God has created!

          Understandably, this provokes the Pharisees to ask a clarifying question. I’m certain they are also eager to get their scheme back on track.

          Read vs 7-8

          Look closely at the turn in language. The Pharisees say Moses commanded. Jesus corrects them. “You guys have gotten it all wrong, Moses did not command, Moses allowed.” It was a sad concession to cope with the fallout from sin’s destructive power.

          But from the beginning, when He first brought together man and woman, God never purposed for divorce. Woefully, sin entered into that paradise when Adam and Eve chose their own will over God’s will – self instead of God. Their selfish choice was worse than the world’s most powerful nuclear warhead, spewing its toxic ash across the beauty of all creation.

Sin separated man and woman from God, sin separated man and woman from paradise and rest, and sin would eventually separate man from woman. That’s what sin does, it separates, destroys relationship, reaps destruction in the world and brokenness in the heart. And unless we are saved from our sins another separation is eventually reaped; sin separates us from our own life, eternally.

          It is why Jesus took our sins upon Himself and was forsaken, or relationally separated, from the Father. So that when He died, He died our death – the death we deserved. But when the Father raised Him from the grave, that death was defeated. Now if we come to Jesus with trusting hearts, to live in relationship with Him, the Spirit of God unites us to Jesus. His life is our life and we are reconciled to God!

          God has made a glorious provision to save us from our sins in the life and death and life again of Jesus Christ! So too was it a provision when God permitted divorce in the law, a provision to protect people from being further harmed by the hard heartedness of men and women, and the destructive force of sin.

          Read vs 9

Jesus explicitly gives an exception clause! We cannot treat this lightly. To divorce and remarry is to commit adultery, unless either spouse has broken the covenant of marriage through sexual immorality. Sexual immorality could be adultery, it could be addiction to porn, it could be acting upon homosexual lusts. Sexual immorality is a broad category for any sexual activity outside the confines of marriage.

The sacred union between husband and wife is violated, severed, through sexual immorality. The sin of sexual immorality invades a marriage and fractures it; Jesus says divorce is allowed as a recognition sin’s destruction of that marriage. But divorce is not a requirement in such situations, it is merely permitted. By the grace of God, and the healing power of the Holy Spirit, broken marriages can be reconciled; and we praise God when they are!

          And though we praise God when reconciliation occurs, we are not to require nor expect marital reconciliation in cases of sexual immorality.

How verse 9 has been twisted and abused! Since Jesus’ argument began with the beginning, there are many people in the church who say that there are absolutely no provisions for divorce; because when God established the sacred institution of marriage, and all that it is meant to image, He never intended divorce to separate husband from wife. And Christians, acknowledging that there was this one Old Testament provision, will often say, “Since we are recreated in Christ, called to be holy as He is holy, then we as Christians must obey the original terms of marriage. There are, therefore, no justifiable grounds for divorce among believers.” I know people that take such a position have good intentions – they are trying to understand the best of what Jesus had in view – but this is so clearly a twisting what Jesus means.

Sadly, it is Christian women who have suffered under this kind of twisted understanding the most. Imagine a scenario. A husband commits adultery, the wife finds out. She wants a divorce and respectfully brings her concern before the Elders (which Scripture requires to be men). The Elders say, “Yes, you have the right to divorce your husband, but you’re a Christian, and Jesus has a higher calling for your life. You should instead pursue reconciliation.” And the woman is crushed by guilt for ever having thought she should divorce her husband – cheater though he is.

Yet it is the man who has broken the vows and violated her trust and destroyed the relationship. But she is required to suck it up and take the higher road? King Jesus Himself has given her the right to divorce her sexually immoral husband; only Pharisees would guilt her into staying.

Now let’s make this a little more complex with a second scenario. Now imagine the adulterous husband fully repents, and through tears begs for forgiveness. Is the wife required to stay with him?

No! She is required to forgive him. We saw Jesus command this last week: She is commanded to forgiven him 70x7 times! In forgiveness, and with an open heart, she is required to receive him as her brother in Christ. But she is not required to receive him as her husband. She may, but she is not required.

The church should not load the wife with unbearable burdens and force her to carry a stigma for the rest of her life because she divorced the husband that destroyed their marriage. That’s something Pharisees would do; it is not from the gentle and lowly heart of Christ. (These two scenarios work in reverse: If the wife committed adultery and the husband pursued divorce.)

God’s word gives another provision for divorce: abandonment.

If the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.                         -1 Corinthians 7:15

If a spouse takes off and wants nothing to do with their husband or wife, then they are acting as an unbeliever. In the eyes of the church, if they do not repent and return, then they are an unbeliever. The remaining spouse is free to get a divorce and remarry if desired.

I would also add physical abuse as reasonable grounds for divorce, though this is not discussed in the Bible. Yet it couldn’t be more clear that if a husband is beating his wife (or vise versa) every single purpose for marriage is destroyed. There is no love in the relationship, no trust, no respect, no intimate union, no imaging as God intended; there is only fear and bitterness and the projection of sin.

          Let me summarize that clearly. I see three clear and obvious reasons that permit divorce: sexual immorality, abandonment, and physical abuse. There are many other situations that are less clear, that get into the grey areas, that require nothing short of divine wisdom to navigate. God gives the Elders to the church to help shepherd the flock through the grey shadows we encounter as we traverse this valley of the shadow of death. It’s why you should pray for your Elders and it’s why the Elders need to desperately seek the wisdom of Christ, our Over-Shepherd.

          Back to the text. Not only does Jesus give a permission for divorce, He also says that if remarriage happens following an invalid divorce, then those who have remarried are adulterers.

          One final scenario: One I’ve witnessed multiple times. A Christian woman wants to divorce her husband, but there is no Scripturally valid reason. Perhaps she has come to despise him, or their communication is trash, or she feels her indifferent husband doesn’t care for her, or a whole host of other marital issues. She wants to end it. She says, “I know God wants my happiness. I am not happy with my husband. But I’ve been praying and I feel peace about getting divorced.”

          But do you know what? Jonah had so much peace about rebelling against God’s will that he went on a vacation. He had such great peace that he slept like a baby even while a storm threatened to break apart the boat. God’s will is not discerned by how you feel. God’s will is discerned by immersing yourself in His word! God’s will is discerned when you sit in the Biblical council of others. Your feelings would have you shipwrecked!

          Remarriage after an invalid divorce is adultery. Though I know God always has a provision of grace where there is sin, it is such a shocking statement that it elicits a reaction from of the disciples.

          Read vs 10

           I hear the disciples saying this with a sarcastic chuckle. They certainly understand that Jesus’ standard for marriage is exceedingly highly.

          Even if they are joking, Jesus gives a very serious response.

          Read vs 11-12

          A eunuch was a castrated manservant who served in royal court, particularly serving royal women. A castrated man would pose no adulterous threat in the haram of a king. They became eunuchs by men.

          Those who were born eunuchs: this is Jesus’ way of talking about those who were born without functioning sexual organs. Then there are those who have made themselves eunuchs. Jesus is not talking about self-mutilation, but those who have deliberately chosen singleness and celibacy.

          Such people have a glorious place in the kingdom of God!  Look again at verse 11. Singleness and celibacy is a gift given by God to only a few. It is a blessing filled with power and purpose. God gives this gift so the single may invest their lives for kingdom purposes in a way that would be very difficult for married people.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul encourages the unmarried to stay single so they can remain free from the encumbrances of marriage and give their life away in service of Jesus. Think of the radical life Paul lived on the very frontier of the kingdom, facing all kings of hardships as a result. Could he have lived in such a way if he were married? Paul didn’t think so.

I know of one young woman from our area who is, today, living in a dangerous city in the Middle East, courageously making disciples. She knows that if the wrong people discover her kingdom work, she could be martyred. She also knows that she is presently called to singleness, and it has given her the freedom to risk everything for the sake of Christ.

God has placed a bold calling upon her. He also has a bold calling for all those He has gifted with singleness. So, if God has given you this gift, it might not be to a place equally as dangerous; but it will be bold, it will take courage, it will be to serve and sacrifice and proclaim for the advancement of the kingdom, it will be for the glory of Christ. And if you follow this path in faith, blessed single one, Jesus will be walking it with you. In Him you will find the most deeply satisfying relationship in your life.

          Even still, Paul writes, Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him.  -1 Corinthians 7:17

          Generally speaking, if God has called you to be married, you will want to be married even with all the relational hardships. If He has called you to singleness, you will want to serve the kingdom in a radical way, even in spite of the sufferings you shall face.

If you are divorced, and to remarry is adultery, then stay single and spend yourself for the advancement of the gospel, the growth of the kingdom, and the glory of King Jesus. For it is no longer you who lives, but Christ who lives in you.

          Brothers and sisters, no fault divorce is one of the greatest evils of our age. Divorce is so easy and encouraged, the divorce rates are so high, because we live in an unbelieving society; and unbelievers have no power within themselves to repair that which is broken.

          But we who believe, whom the Lord has chosen, we are called to a higher vision of marriage, to see the union of husband and wife as sacred, imaging the union within the Trinity, broadcasting the love of Christ for the church and the church for Christ. We see that marriage requires laying aside our own desires, our rights, our selves, so the other flourishes in the Lord and in life.

          And if you are called to singleness, then the church is your family and Christ is your closest friend.

          But married or single, we are all called not to live for ourselves, but for others, and to give our lives in service of the King. And together we hope, we anticipate, we believe, that God has set a date. He has not left us. There will never be a divorce. Jesus is coming for His Bride. He will vanquish our enemies – even death. He shall wipe away every tear, heal us of every pain, and give us an everlasting inheritance of glory and life. And we will be with Him, face to face, and when we see Him we shall be like Him.

          Brothers and sisters, when Jesus returns for His church, the purposes of our one God – Father, Son, and Spirit – will be fulfilled in our lives and over this sinful age. What a wedding it shall be!